Matt spends another three hours brooding about cash flow vs. creative fullfillment. Bonus casting coach details.

Nothing in N.Y. comes easy. That’s why when you achieve something you feel like you own the world. At this point in my career though, it doesn’t always take me long to realize I don’t. I’m sitting in Starbucks waiting for my very first rehearsal with Cherub Improv, a group that performs improv comedy at hospital, correctional facilities, nursing homes, etc… It should be an exciting moment. Instead, I’m haunted by my lack of income.

I shouldn’t be worrying about this. I should be in performing RENT. I got cast to do a regional production. But, sadly, I got uncast suspiciously close to my rejection of the producer’s offer to let him be “a bad influence” during the production. “I’m looking forward to being friends, but I meant that in the plutonic sense”, I said shortly after he tried to kiss me. “That’s too bad because I’m not looking for plutonic friends,” he replied. The next day I received a call stating that I was too young to play opposite their Roger.

It happens I guess. It sucked. I missed out on what would have been a lot of money I could’ve made doing bus tours during the holidays. I also canceled lots of day jobs. Then I struggled to find replacements. Standing in the cold handing out flyers seemed most profitable and reliable after going through a slew of other options. But now, even that’s dried up. I’m tired of looking for survival work and feel I’m missing my chance to find actual paying acting work.

I sit in Starbucks lost and feeling too exhausted with the problem to find a solution. Where will I find the energy? I must because I cannot let go of my dreams.