I gasp for air and grab a new piece of driftwood to take me to shore and remember that when one door closes another opens.

I bet you thought I’d forgotten about you. Well I’ve not — about two months ago I entered real estate school in New York and since recieving my license I’ve been working 12 hour days fairly regularly. I got tired of being poor. The rationalization for starting a career in the middle of a busy audition season was that I needed to if I was going to be here for the next busy audition season. At the end of my financial rope, I experienced regular hunger pains and dizzy spells. My closest friends were the creditors that called to torture me about my financial obligations. Though once a normal part of my life, New York City — at least as I was experiencing it, made these responsibilities seem impossible to meet. I was drowning in a sea of debt, hunger, and loneliness.

So it was time for a new plan. I tried applying for unemployment. Having been fired from a crappy restaurant, I figured I was entitled to collect on some of what I’d paid in taxes. Alas, the bureaucracy is not set up to help anyone who really needs it. After a month, I’d still not recieved a check. To this day, I’ve not seen a cent. So I borrowed the money I needed to get into real estate school, and the money I needed to pay part of my rent (I still owe the other hundred dollars which I used on food). It was a new financial low for me –no credit cards, no cash, and a heaping dose of humility.

I delved down into my soul and found Read the rest of this entry »

Next week you might be calling me Captain Braidbeard — or you might choose to be a dick and make fun of the braids in my beard. Either way there is a distinct possibility that I could be performing the role and a series of other roles for Theatreworks USA’s National Tour of “If You Give a Pig a Pancake”, a musical adaptation of Laura Numeroff’s book by the same name. This past week I was called in and called back to read for the role. Things went well but of course you never know until you know. Also, at the end of this month I will again be performing with the comedy group Chocolate Cake City, only this time I’ll be performing sketch comedy with the group in the absence of one of their group members. One performance will be on a rooftop in Queens (address to come) and the other will be at the Broadway Comedy Club (53rd between 8th and 9th) at 6pm, Aug 31st. Let’s keep this party going… Whew! (flashes car next to mine).

My hard work pays off and the cast of Rent helps me to celebrate the significance of my achievement.

For the past few weeks I’ve been going through the songs I know with a fine tooth and comb, selecting one for every occasions. I’ve had to find songs to sing when I’m asked to sing country music, when I’m asked for classical or contemporary music theater, up-tempo or ballad. On top of all of this I’ve had to steer clear of familiar favorites. Supposedly there is no worse crime in an audition than to sing a song from Rent or Wicked.

I can’t say that my process prepared me any for today — but I certainly felt more prepared to knock ‘em dead when I showed up to an audition for Theatreworks today. Theatreworks is a professional union theatre company that tours family oriented shows around the country. I’ve been wanting to do one of their shows since I arrived in New York. So when I showed up today and was informed that they were looking for a pop-rock song, I was a little nervous. I’d not yet found an appropriate pop-rock song to sing — and they’d asked for a contemporary musical theatre selection when they called my manager. Well, I had Beauty School Dropout from Grease and I’ve Got Life from Hair. Neither song seemed right. So, I didn’t do either. I stuck with my original choice. They seemed to like it and when I was done, they asked me to sing something that was a bit more pop-rockish. Read the rest of this entry »

Mayor Giuliani is often credited with cleaning up the street of New York City. But did that have anything to do with pigeons?

The Humane Society of The United States calls pigeons “both an endearing part of city life and an aggravation.” I guess that’s how I felt the other day when I was pooped on twice in one day by the quintessential city creatures. People laughed and told me that it was good luck. So if it happened twice, I’ll be booking a show any day now.

When I was young my mom and I used to go to the park in Morristown, NJ (read the bio) and feed little pieces of hot dog rolls to the pigeons. I loved it. But it didn’t take me too long to discover that most people found pigeons to be a nuisance. These odd looking birds have been called the rats of the sky. People install ugly wire contraptions and fake owls to keep them off of buildings and angry teenagers poison them and feed them alka seltzer. They never bothered me all that much until I moved to Los Angeles. Sometimes there are so many on the sidewalk flapping around that you feel claustrophobic, surrounded by the germy dust from their feathers. The same is true here in New York. Only here, there are lots of tall buildings where they poop from.

Claustrophobia and excrement aside, I was quite taken the other day by the sight of an old man feeding the pigeons from a bag. He was surrounded by birds and a few were even on his body. I thought it was a sweet thing and was immediately reminded of the bird women from Home Alone 2 or Mary Poppins. I snapped this picture so that I could remember the occasion. But it seems that this sweet old man was up to no good. Read the rest of this entry »

If you’re going to be in New York this weekend (say Sunday, August 3rd at 7om at the Broadway Comedy Club) I’d like to invite you to check out a special benefit performance for a comedy group called Chocolate Cake City. It’s a little something funnyman Rob Asaro cooked up back in Boston. The orginal troupe is responsible for “Brokeback to the Future”, one of my favorite viral videos. Chocolate Cake City, New York is just about to begin a new performance season with a new show format (it sounds exciting and I think you get a free slice of chocholate cake). So, to kick it off they’re getting together a bunch of cool people to entertain the masses. I’ll be there and so will an old (not speaking about age) friend of mine, Danielle Fattelson. If you happened to catch Invasion! The Musical in Los Angeles, then you may remember her as Janelle, the somewhat manly… er… masculine… ok, she played a butch lesbian and was funny as hell. She wore this wig and overalls and I remember nobody ever knew who she was out of costume — yeah, she’s that awesome. We’re teaming up to bring you all something sexy, smart and uproarously funny. So uh… you’ll want to be there. Anyway, I think the tickets are $10. Why do you expect me to know these things? Don’t send me emails asking… mom! Ok, well I think that’s all. See you Sunday.

Love and life,

Matt

Jim Sturgess can’t stop making out with Evan Rachael Wood and I can’t get in to see Gloria Swanson’s beautiful estate in Englewood.

It’s after 1am in New York, what am I doing? Getting ready for bed, but what where hundreds of actors doing Sunday night at this same time? Sleeping on the pavement outside the Knitting Factory downtown or waking up and showering to go audition for the open call of Spiderman the Musical. Insanity! Sometimes you have a feeling that an audition is going to be packed, in this case we’ll call it Spidey-Sense, but I had a feeling that Spiderman the Musical would bring out the crazys. They’re the same crowd that goes out to audition for American Idol (yes, I know I’ve done it — that’s beside the point). On a regular day of auditioning, you may wait all day, but if you show up at 10am in the morning, you will probably be seen before 5pm. At the most there will be 200 people. But today at the Spiderman auditions there had to be at least 2,000 people. Where are these people on a normal day? As I walked past the line I asked I guy I recognized from other auditions what time he had arrived — Read the rest of this entry »

In a game of Kitchen Survivor, my pasta fagioli gets voted off of the island.

Stepped on the scale this morning, 155lbs. Not good. When I moved to New York I weighed 170lbs and I didn’t need to lose any weight. My goal was to try to reach 180lbs, then poverty sunk in. People joke about starving actors but do they really realize we’re always so hungry?? As I write this my head is pounding and my insides are screaming. Food — I’m so hungry.

Remember the pasta fagioli? Well, try as I might I couldn’t keep it safe from the outside world. Friday, one day after making the delicious and healthy dish, we blew a circuit in the apartment. Unfortunately, our circuit box is in the basement of the building and we don’t have access to it. The building manager didn’t answer his cell phone all weekend so we were left without power. The City of New York (311) told me that this is illegal but all I could do was file a complaint. Determined to save my food from spoiling, I took the pasta fagioli down to a church a few blocks from my house where it found a nice home in the refrigerator for the weekend. When Monday came and our power was back, I got the pasta back and had a few good meals from it. Sadly, the other night I came home to no pasta. Read the rest of this entry »

After two months in New York City things are looking fine. It’s always difficult breaking into a new scene but New York’s creative forces have definitely taken note of Matt Falber. I’ve received several callbacks and was cast in a show which my team and I decided to decline. I’m also currently working on a screenplay. It’s a thriller that focuses on those who have it all but still aren’t happy. I’ll be releasing more details in the distant future.

A new friend who looks like he could be my brother helps me move something heavy and I learn about my garbage man’s troubled past.

It was one of those Saturdays where I didn’t want to get out of bed — or at least dressed. I’d been auditioning all week and I had to drag myself to a Starbucks to do some web design. I slapped on some deodorant, threw some clothes and sunscreen on and headed out my front door to the noisy street below me. Every morning without fail several old men in the neighborhood bring their lawn chairs down to the sidewalk to see what trouble they can start. Bullshit is swapped, fights are avoided, skin cancer is acquired — it’s really a fantastic way to spend your retirement. I walked toward Central Park where I could catch the C train downtown. But one block from the Subway I found something I simply couldn’t pass by. There on the sidewalk was a Wurlitzer organ — complete with rhythms, several synthesizer voices and an emblem indicating that it had once been used in a roller rink to make things more exciting for children of the 1950s and 60s as they zoomed around in circles. Here it was, a mere three blocks from my house.

I thought for a moment, I’d sold all of my belongings and one thing I really missed was a keyboard that my friend Dave gave me. He’d kill me if he knew I sold it. It was his own keyboard but under his ownership it had been collecting dust. I could have easily returned it to him. But that didn’t occur to me until after I’d sold it. At least I got plenty of use out of it while I had it. Oh well, take note, give something to me that I can’t fit in a suitcase and someday I might just sell it. In any case, I had to get this organ to my house. I called everyone I knew in Manhattan and my new friend Garrett agreed to help me hoof the thing to my apartment.

Garrett and I became friends after a weekend of pretending to be each other’s brother. We felt it gave us a competitive edge when competing against everyday pickup lines. He works in the financial sector and he must have thought I was crazy moving this gigantic relic into my apartment. If he ever wanted an organ he could simply buy one on ebay and have it delivered. On second thought, even that sounds complicated. After moving the organ (five feet at a time) back to my apartment, it occurred to me that I lived in a walkup with a very narrow staircase. It seemed all hope was lost. Just then my garbage man showed up to collect the garbage. “Who plays?” he said in a thick accent. “I do,” I said. “I used to be professor music,” he said. “I speak little English. Am from Yugoslavia. I exiled politic.” He pronounced the word “pole-it-ic.” “All the professors, exiled politic.” Then he formed a gun with his hand. “My mother, (he made a shooting gesture) by politic. My brother, (again he shot). All politic. I am music professor, now garbage.” Read the rest of this entry »

Matt realizes how cool his blog can be and saves himself from starvation.

Whew! So here I am world — an actor in New York City. You want to know what it’s like? The crazy people I meet, the struggling and starving? Well I’m prepared to give it to you. My cousin informed me yesterday that my life seemed like something out of a Seinfeld episode (which also took place on Manhattan’s Upper West Side.) In just a little over two months time, I’ve been threatened coming off the Subway because I “been messing wit’ [some gentleman's] bitch.” I’ve hung out with a really nice chap with strong anti-American sentiments from the UK and India. I’ve gotten and lost three jobs, been cast in one show that I turned down, been hit on by several people in “monogamous relationships”, escaped from a quid pro quo audition, was hoodwinked into thinking a tourist was a native (for several days) and oh yeh… lived on free samples for about forty-eight hours. It’s been tough so far but I’m here and determined to be successful. Stick with me and I promise you you’ll watch me go from a poor nobody, to a well fed somebody performing his dream roles.

As you can see I’ve got plenty of stories to tell and I’ve decided that it’s time to start writing it all down. But I’m afraid that if you want to truly get the experience, you’re going to have to stick with me for the more mundane tasks as well. As they say, show business is not always glamorous. While I’d love to tell you about the Wurlitzer organ I found on the street the other day or sneaking into see Bon Jovi, right now I need to talk about food…. I’m so hungry. Since moving to New York I’ve lost 15lbs — not good. While my kitchen’s not necessarily well equipped for cooking, I’m going to need to start using it in order to get the most out of my money. Today I lit the pilot light and I’m off to get all the ingredients to make pasta faggiolli from a family recipe.

Pasta Faggiolli (4 servings — plenty for me to eat during the week)

- 2 cans small white beans

- 1/3 cup before cooked tubetini

- 1/4 cup Read the rest of this entry »