Matt delves into the work of one of the greatest actors of our time

Every time I see Meryl Streep in something I’m beside myself. So I decided it would be beneficial for me to watch all of her work and see how she grows as an actor over the years. I expected her first film to be some bit part, but in actuality it’s a filmed version of a Broadway Production called “Secret Service”.

In the film, Streep plays Edith Varney a Southern girl madly in love with Captain Thorne (played by… wait, is it? John Thithgowe with red hair). The play is performed in four acts, three of which take place at the Varney home, one at a Confederate telegraph office. Preceeding each act the players sing a folksong in the style of the era (or from the era – not sure). Streep sings the song preceeding the act by herself. Her voice is beautiful and she is clearly well trained. This is particularly interesting to me as I’ve struggled with trying to decide if I want to pursue musical theatre or if I want to pursue film, television, and legit stage. Streep seems to have made a choice to go the legit route even though she has a beautiful voice.

Streep’s performance is very strong. After all, she is on Broadway. During the first scene she enters the Varney home having come from the President of the Confederacy with orders that will allow her love, Captain Thorne to stay with her rather than leave on the orders he has told her about. This is particularly impressive to me as she is fully engaged in the fact that something wonderful has happened. She seems headstrong and confident.

As she goes through the play and develops doubts about Thorne’s integrity, you can clearly see the struggle and her emotional life unfolding onstage. She trusted him and he has… wait, has he betrayed her? How could he? If he did? Fantastic to watch.

I have a t-shirt that says “Think Negative”. Every time I wear it people look at me funny and then come to the realization that it’s talking about HIV — brilliant slogan. It works because everyone knows that you’re supposed to think positive. Right?

I’m not going to pretend I make lots of money acting. Those of you who’ve read my blog entries can connect the dots. Recently I had to abandon my previous entrepreneurial exploits (web design) when my laptop died. So, I got a job in a restaurant. You know my history with those… the last one I was in was awful. Yet, I’m happy. I’m adjusting to life and my actor life hasn’t come to a stand still. People ask me if I like working at a restaurant and I tell them, for a restaurant, it’s great. I like the people I work with, the management’s great, the money seems like it will be good. I remind them I’m still pursuing acting, but yeah, it’s good. The acting things I’m doing in my life are very fulfilling and I get lots of good feedback from people which makes me happy.

Yet, I have some other friends who are doing amazing things with their careers and are complaining left and right… not enough money… too much rehearsal… not the right role. Sometimes, we find ourselves in positions that should be good but they aren’t. Yet, this isn’t the case with these friends. Yes it’s good, it’s great, but… I had the most amazing experience… but the business is hard and blah, blah, blah. I haven’t had the guts to confront these folks but if you’re reading this, please take it as constructive criticism and don’t get mad at me.

Enjoying your life as a whole is so important. I try to be content no matter what I am doing. Obviously some things get me more excited than others, but if we’re constantly looking ahead to things, we’re never really enjoying anything. Something to think about.

I’ve decided that these postings are going to be a little more personal because I feel the need to write this stuff down. Hope you enjoy.

Nothing in N.Y. comes easy. That’s why when you achieve something you feel like you own the world. At this point in my career though, it doesn’t always take me long to realize I don’t. I’m sitting in Starbucks waiting for my very first rehearsal with Cherub Improv, a group that performs improv comedy at hospital, correctional facilities, nursing homes, etc… It should be an exciting moment. Instead, I’m haunted by my lack of income.

I shouldn’t be worrying about this. I should be in performing RENT. I got cast to do a regional production. But, sadly, I got uncast suspiciously close to my rejection of the producer’s offer to let him be “a bad influence” during the production. “I’m looking forward to being friends, but I meant that in the plutonic sense”, I said shortly after he tried to kiss me. “That’s too bad because I’m not looking for plutonic friends,” he replied. The next day I received a call stating that I was too young to play opposite their Roger.

It happens I guess. It sucked. I missed out on what would have been a lot of money I could’ve made doing bus tours during the holidays. I also canceled lots of day jobs. Then I struggled to find replacements. Standing in the cold handing out flyers seemed most profitable and reliable after going through a slew of other options. But now, even that’s dried up. I’m tired of looking for survival work and feel I’m missing my chance to find actual paying acting work.

I sit in Starbucks lost and feeling too exhausted with the problem to find a solution. Where will I find the energy? I must because I cannot let go of my dreams.

Matt works hard for the money but the ideas don’t always pay off. Today he hatches yet another scheme.

So, the idea solution to this problem is to just book a show that pays more than most of the shows I book. But I have no way of knowing if that will happen. And aside from my regular bills I need to send out postcards to tell everyone about the parts I’ve booked, I need money to print off my new headshots, I need money for my classes and to be able to meet casting people (oh yes, that’s a whole other can of worms — we’ll discuss later). It’s expensive to be an actor.

Lately I’ve been paying the bills flyering in Times Sq. Sometimes I teach computer lessons or build websites. I had a temp agency. I’ve waited tables. I’ve written magazine articles. I’ve setup video games for corporate parties. I do bus tours… yes I do. So yesterday my roommate asked me to take a look at his computer. It was speaking and crashing. Crazy right? Well, it just so happens I’m very good at fixing things like that. So while I was sitting there, going through the system registry. I thought, I’m going to make a Craigslist ad. Maybe I can get people to pay me to fix their laptops. Anything to keep money in my pocket and a flexible schedule.

Matt is inspired to spend four hours simmering things he found in his refrigerator by the daddy of all theatre publications./

So, it’s certainly been a while since I posted to musings. 2009 got a little crazy — in a good way. I was booking shows left and right and so my whole struggling artist thing didn’t seem to make much sense. But then I discovered Playbill listed my website and talked about my blog that explored life as an actor. Well, that inspired me to keep going. I still do plenty of struggling, but I’m also having a bit more success. So, in 2010, I promise to give you a larger picture of the life of an actor and try to explain everything there is to know about our way of life no matter what stage of my career I’m at. It’s not going to be all business, business, business though… oh, no! It’ll be a picture of my life. So, anyway, my first post in 2010, is part of what I hope will be a series of videos on how to cook on an actor’s budget. Enjoy! Continue reading The Actor’s Diet

Oven Fried Chicken Drumsticks

- Preheat oven to 475.

- Take the drumsticks and roll them in Italian breadcrumbs mixed with romano cheese and cajun seasoning. If you made your own, add parsley and garlic.

- Put chicken legs in the oven. After about 30 minutes they should start to crackle. Turn them over and cook for a few minutes longer. Take out and eat.

Chicken Stock

ingredients: chicken leg bottoms with bones, olive oil, red onion, garlic, jalapeños, potato, celery, cilantro, basil, oregano, black pepper, salt, whatever you find in your apartment that sounds good

- Boil lots of water

- Put chopped garlic and onions in the bottom of the pot with olive oil and heat till you can smell it. Then add pieces of chicken with bones — skin too if you wish.

- Stir the contents of the pot till all the chicken is white and things are smelling very chickenny. Is that a word?

- Next add the water and all of the chopped vegetables and your spices.

- Simmer for about 4 hours.

* Note: I used a lot of jalapeño and red pepper flakes in the film. I like things a little spicy. If you realize you’ve made it too spicy though, just add a teaspoon of baking soda. That will resolve the issue.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted a “musing.” Only ten months ago this portion of the site was a place for me to regale the world with my tales of awful roommates, leftover turkey meals, etc… I started talking about these things because my career as an actor in Los Angeles was always very cushy.

When I moved to NYC I was determine to leave as many of my creature comforts behind so that I could really focus on being an actor. I vowed to spend my energies honing my craft and auditioning rather than worrying about comfortable furniture, sushi dinners, and items that cost more than $5 (only partly joking). I really wanted to go for it. As I’ve often said, Tobey Maguire supposedly lived on friends couches and survived on rice and beens. I wanted to be that dedicated. I’m proud to say, that I have. I’ve learned a lot and I’m still learning. I guess what I’m saying is this year I’m struggling a bit less. I’ve been involved in seven projects this year and I’m not done yet.

So, it’s time to take this blog in a different direction. According to Webster, the definition of muse is 1) to meditate on, 2) to comment thoughtfully or ruminate upon. But the origin of the word is actually a noun. Muse (noun): the spirit that is thought to inspire a poet or other artist; source of genius or inspiration. So, from now on, I’ll share things that inspire me as an artist. But not now. Now I’m tired of typing. :) Still, doesn’t that sound nice?

Summer is here but Matt is experiencing a brief winter moment.

What the hell happened this week? Why do I feel like I’m recovering from being hit by a truck? As much as people complain about working 9-5, and as much as I know I did when I did it, it gives you structure. Sometimes you wind up in this place where you’re struggling just to get out of your apartment. “What’s he talking about?” Let me start at the beginning.

The stars aligned this week to deliver me with lots of bad news. During the Tony Awards I found out I might lose my apartment — I just got a bed finally from my cousin when he moved to Portland. Yes, that wasn’t so great. I miss my cousin. The apartment struggle went on for a few days and then seemed to fizzle as if it was never an issue. I’m still not convinced that I’ve heard the last of it. Then everyone I’ve ever known in my life came to me with stories of breakups, death, depression, drugs, and the dreaded loss of a job. I actually lost a friend because apparently I wasn’t sympathetic enough to the job loss situation. A part of me didn’t care, it was too much for me to process in one week.

You see, I had things I was dealing with — and I always do. My chosen profession makes me somebody banks don’t want to deal with. It’s impossible for me to get an apartment in this city without subletting. I think I’m very talented but you’re always asking yourself, even when you are working as I am, will I ever achieve that level? But when people start talking about their losses, I often realize that their issues are nothing compared to mine — isn’t that a terrible thing to say? I slept on essentially the floor or some weird bed like contraption with cushioning for over a year here. The ones who compain about their love life make me realize how easily I’m judged. “Oh, you’re an actor.” People thought it was cute two years ago, but people don’t understand why I struggle for this.

Truthfully, some of my friends had legitimate problems. But still, it really took things out of me. What happens to 9-5er on a week like this? They show up to work and go through the motions. What happens to me? I’m accountable to myself — so in my position I kept making lists and didn’t see very much accomplished. I didn’t make it to an audition, I have tons of laundry I’m still telling myself to watch, I’ve been really slow with my web/graphic design stuff and I’m starting to think about money.

This might not be the most interesting blog post, but I think I made a mental note somewhere to include a few more raw posts to the mix. You wanna know what it’s like to be an actor in NYC? Sometimes, it’s like this. Sometimes you feel like you’re treading water in the center of a whirlpool trying to keep your head above water and deciding which way to swim first. Sometimes it gets to you and all you can think of is to keep from being submerged.

Whether is was Oannes or Dionysus, St. Genesius or St. Vitus, somebody’s been looking out for Matt.

They say that it’s no good to keep banging your head against a brick wall. It’s certainly a bloody metaphor isn’t it? I mean that would hurt. While, I’ve not been beating my head against anything, I’ve reached a point in my career where I need to accomplish some new things to move forward. So does that mean I’m punching the wall? I better get something to wrap my hand with.

Though it’s hard to believe, we’re almost halfway through 2009. Fortunately, I’ve been in some production or another since the beginning of the year. My acting has also been improving significantly since about November. I walk out of auditions and hear people say “wow, he was good” from outside the door. These things say to me, “Matthew (I don’t always go by Matt), you’re ready to crank things up a notch. You need an agent.”

Without delay, I bought some envelopes, wrote some letters to 30 different agencies that sounded promising and enclosed my resume and… oh no! It was like somebody slapped me in the face. I needed new headshots. A number of people have started to say that it doesn’t look like me. This won’t help me get roles. I’ll get called in and ruled out. I also think I have a more marketable or castable look at the moment. So, I sent out my packages and jotted down a note that I needed to get new headshots.

New headshots! Ha. They aren’t cheap and though I’m not surviving on Thanksgiving turkey at present, I’ve not got $400 bucks sitting around either. So I wrote it down. If there’s anything I’ve found in this business, it’s that you must take things one step at a time. Usuallly, just setting my mind to something produces results and this would be no exception.

I was sitting in Starbucks last Monday working on my friend Kohl’s website — yes, web design keeps me eating, check me out — when a man came up to me and asked if he could take my picture. At first I thought he’d confused me for someone, or maybe he hadn’t, did he see my show? I was very confused. Then he explained that the light was interesting from overhead and with my laptop illuminating my face. Enter David Keenan, he was here to study with one of the world’s most renowned photographers — don’t ask me, I know nothing about famous photographers. He showed me his website and I was really impressed. So I consented to the photograph (the black and white portion of the photo for this article) and after we chatted for a good while about New York, Austin, and life in general. At some point, he mentioned that he’d be willing to help me out with headshots. He’d not done them and thought it would be fun and possibly profitable to figure them out. I’m sure my face must have been bright enough to light up the whole Starbucks.

After a brief primer, that included looking at headshots and explaining what casting folks and agents need we set out to take photos. David’s eye was amazing and though I’ve yet to see them, I’m sure we’ve got some good ones. Again, the forces that seem to provide for driven actors, deemed me worthy. It was so kind of David to help me.

So I’ve contacted the agencies and sent my information, it only makes sense that I should send them another headshot, resume and letter once I get the new shots. Or perhaps I postcard. That certainly can’t hurt. Anyway, considering how quickly I got headshots, I don’t doubt that in a short while I’ll have a really great new agent.

Matt gets sappy about his first year in NYC and network television… box wine was not involved.

Wow! What a fantastic day. What a fantastic first year in New York for that matter. April 30th marked one year in this crazy city. It was a year of cold showers, cockroaches, hunger, profiteering sublessors, poverty, rejection, rodents, nights without heat, homesickness, superficial socialite hypocrites, and destroyed credit. Despite it all, the year was so amazing that none of the nonsense could keep me down.

Right now I’m reading Dracula, something I thought I’d never do as vampires are one of the few things that terrify me. In it, Bram Stoker writes, “we learn from failure, not from success!” I can’t count count the amount of times I failed in this past year. But I can tell you that each time, and I’m so thankful that this is the case, something inside me said, “get back up, brush yourself off, and do it again.”

There were lots of risks involved with coming to New York. First off, I didn’t have anywhere to live. My family all thought I did but they would’ve been worried sick if they knew I didn’t. I started in a hostel which wasn’t bad, the main problem was lack of privacy and you could only stay for 14 days by law. So I would’ve been moving very frequently had I not found a permanent place to live. Second, I got rid of almost everything I’d accumulated in my years on this planet. The things I was able to sell, funded my trip — I made a mere $4,000. I came here with two bags and a guitar. The rest, went to charity. Third, I left an amazing life in L.A., fantastic friends, a network of people who knew me, but I just felt something here calling me — maybe it was the theatre, maybe it was the city, maybe I anticipated Ugly Betty would move to New York. But I followed my dream. This year, I performed in my first Off-Broadway show. I did an Off-Off-Broadway Show. I wrote part of a score. I quit my day job. I studied acting with one of the city’s best teachers. I learned a lot about acting and singing. I’ve been in productions non-stop since the beginning of 2009. I learned a lot about life. I also realized I’m in this for the long haul.

Anyway, I’d been meaning to post something up here for a while besides, “look I’m in another show” — trust me, I don’t mind doing that at all. But tonight, I was very compelled to reflect on how lucky I am when I saw the pilot for FOX’s new show “Glee”. It reminded of my joy for all of this growing up. Where would I would I be without my parent’s realization that my overactive imagination could be a benefit on stage, or without my tape recorder, or without all of the teachers who gave their time so passionately. “Glee” brought me back to a simpler time — and the music was soooo good. It materialized on television the feeling inside me that kept me going. That’s what made me give up everything, that’s what will keep me going, that’s the place I go inside whenever I feel like things are so difficult. Anyway, I hope you check it out.

As the New York sun slowly decides to share its warmth, Matt’s life and career are heating up and depression’s thawing.

“The last thing I remember is leaving the bar despite the gogo dancer’s invitation to stick around,” explained my friend. On a recent trip to New York he was telling me about a trip he recently took to West Hollywood and the phenomenon he described as drunk autopilot. “Then I realized I couldn’t remember what hotel I was staying at. The next thing I know I’m waking up in my bed, on-time and with all my clothes on — no strange person in the room with me. I’ve got a good autopilot when I’m drunk.”

As actors, we’re taught about objectives and how they should lead your character through a story. My friend’s objective was strong enough to get him safely to his bed. He of course, didn’t want to wind up in a compromising situation, or be late for his work function the following day. I’m telling you this because as the weather is growing warmer, I feel like I’ve come out of hibernation. I read my last blog about eating all that leftover Thanksgiving turkey and realized that somehow, I came out of winter better than I went into it. I’m doing a show, I’m making ends meet — even if it is on very little, and I’m not working some stupid job… I’m a working actor. Ok, ok, I do a few other things to make money here and there other than the show, but my days are filled with lots of activity pertinent to being an actor.

At the end of January I made my escape from the terrible apartment on the Upper West Side. It turned out that I was being cheated on the rent. The Chinese-born, slutty, lesbian was living there for next to nothing while making each day hellish. I started sending complaints to the guy that I sublet from about the flies hatching, the leaks in pluming, the mites, the rodents, the roaches, the smoking, the bartender that slept on our couch, the unfair rent… you get the idea. When nothing was done, I decided it was time to leave. As I’d signed no lease, I simply left without saying anything. I never thought I’d do that in my life but I felt it was necessary to make a statement — you can’t take advantage of me.

I’m now living in a fantastic apartment in Hamilton Heights (a neighborhood in Harlem) with two fantastic roommates. We don’t really have any furniture yet, but we’ve got a nice kitchen and the apartment is beautiful. I also started studying acting again and it’s amazing the progress I’ve made in my acting and singing in the past two months.

How did all this happen? The last thing I remember I was cold and hungry and depressed and now I’ve woken up, and I’m a working actor with lots of potential ahead. I have to point to my objective. My objective to be an actor and singer is clearly very ingrained in me. After all, who gets rid of almost everything they own, just to move across the country work at a restaurant and audition? Well, thankfully, the risk is paying off.

]]>