Turkey Revisited

Matt — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 22:21:38 +0000

A broken CD drive, no jobs, no shows, no money, and cold weather… I’m sort of grateful to have leftover Thanksgiving turkey to be eating. After all, struggling’s exciting. Isn’t it?

Turkey and fermenting sweet potatoes! Mmmmm… my Aunt Dina in Connecticut told me on Thanksgiving that my life is exciting. She’s right I suppose but I doubt if they thought that I’d be eating our Thanksgiving leftovers for about two weeks after the holiday. Never the less, I’m glad to say that even in a world where everyone from the sales clerk at CVS Pharmacy to the CEO of Starbucks is quick to tell you how bad the economy is, it still seems the world has a fascination with those who struggle. Even this week’s Ugly Betty (which I watch on my laptop — one of the few possessions I own) touched on the subject — Betty and Amanda almost lost their apartment when they were robbed by two guys who took them to eat at a fancy restaurant then stuck them with the bill after meeting them at a gallery opening that had free food (the initial attraction). Anyway, people are fascinated by those who struggle. And when we’re single and chasing our dreams in the big city we certainly do encounter lots of exciting things. But lately I’ve really been struggling.

For the past three months I put in 60 hour weeks in real estate, only managing to get to a few auditions. October went really well and at the end of the month I thought I was going to have a nice chunk of money in the bank come December when auditions picked up. But at the end of November, after I paid back the money I’d owed from September, my pockets were bare. I’d not made a single transaction in November. So I set out to find another survival job and landed it. I’m now a personal trainer at Bally Fitness Club. But their hiring process is quite lengthy. I’m still waiting for a background check to be completed so that I can begin to make some money. During my off days, I’ve been raiding the New York City Performance Arts Library — listening to dozens of cast recordings one after the other. In fact I’ve listened to so many that I’ve broken my CD-ROM drive. Unfortunately I’ve got no money to replace it.

There’s a lot of effort that goes into finding the strength to pick yourself up and figure out how to keep going. I’m hoping this new job (mostly at nights) will give me the time and money I need to keep going. I’ve spent lots of time these past few weeks really honing the songs I’m going to use for auditions. Anyway, I have to pack up this extra turkey and start pouring through the mountain of shows I’ve never heard of, including Jerry Herman’s “Parade” and Bill Solly’s “Boy Meets Boy.”

Stocks Turn Around, So Do I

Matt — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 17:40:55 +0000

I gasp for air and grab a new piece of driftwood to take me to shore and remember that when one door closes another opens.

I bet you thought I’d forgotten about you. Well I’ve not — about two months ago I entered real estate school in New York and since recieving my license I’ve been working 12 hour days fairly regularly. I got tired of being poor. The rationalization for starting a career in the middle of a busy audition season was that I needed to if I was going to be here for the next busy audition season. At the end of my financial rope, I experienced regular hunger pains and dizzy spells. My closest friends were the creditors that called to torture me about my financial obligations. Though once a normal part of my life, New York City — at least as I was experiencing it, made these responsibilities seem impossible to meet. I was drowning in a sea of debt, hunger, and loneliness.

So it was time for a new plan. I tried applying for unemployment. Having been fired from a crappy restaurant, I figured I was entitled to collect on some of what I’d paid in taxes. Alas, the bureaucracy is not set up to help anyone who really needs it. After a month, I’d still not recieved a check. To this day, I’ve not seen a cent. So I borrowed the money I needed to get into real estate school, and the money I needed to pay part of my rent (I still owe the other hundred dollars which I used on food). It was a new financial low for me –no credit cards, no cash, and a heaping dose of humility.

I delved down into my soul and found the workaholic that I’d been in college, that boy who was the student senate president, a resident assistant, a music scholar, honor roll student with 25 credit hours and a part-time workstudy position for the head of the music department. My depression worsened but I held strong. I had to move forward. I had to succeed. Two months later I’m just starting to surface from the sea of sufficating fears that had consumed me. FDR said that we have nothing to fear but fear itself. I think that was my mantra. That and another favorite expression of mine, “the best way to climb a mountain is one step at a time.”

So with two rentals under my belt and a busy next few months ahead until the next busy audition season (January), I’m starting to regroup and gain some balance and control in my life. I find myself in Starbucks — one of my favorite places — planning my life and writing this blog even though my website has been taken down because I didn’t pay for it. Wait how am I reading this? It’s back.

I guess this all must sound a little depressing. But the fact that I’m writing about it, means I’m ok. I’m here. I survived. I saw a tshirt the other day. It said, “Due to budgetary cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.” Things were tight — really tight. But thankfully, that bulb kept burning.

Matt Falber » poverty

Turkey Revisited

Stocks Turn Around, So Do I